Irony, they say, is the stuff of life. The Alaroka of Edo State and Nigeria, Kassim Afegbua, a self-proclaimed media consultant, is at it again because it is election time. His Tuesday afternoon press release, not only provokes hilarious laughter, it ironically imposes a moment of sober reflection on one. Imagine Kassim speaking ‘grammar’ on behalf of a Senator Monday Okpebholo, who is literally deaf, dumb and blind to grammar.
Kassim, in a lengthy 1889 words press release, laboured, wobbled and fumbled with disjointed syntax and inappropriate albeit high sounding semantics to impress Okpebholo, who may never throughout his lifetime come to understand the ‘turenci’ Kassim was vomiting to justify his pay in a bid to portray Governor Godwin Obaseki as a corrupt and tainted administrator.
That’s life for you, it is full of ironies. On a good day, Kassim will not score Senator Okpebholo anything above 3 over 10 in a qualifying test to contest for Edo Governorship Election; he would rather recommend him to vie for a councillors’ election. But as we all probably know, hypocrites are of all men the most miserable. And Alaroka, the hypocrite, is no exception. Why? Because the life of a hypocrite like that of the Chichidodo, is not an easy life. According to Ghanaian novelist, Ayi Kwei Armah, in his classic ‘The Beautiful Ones Are Not Yet Born’, Chichidodo, a now reportedly extinct weird bird, “hates human excrement with all its soul but feeds excitedly on maggots that grow profoundly in human excrement.” That perhaps, best describes the character of a hypocrite.
Yes, it is election time again, it is time for Alaroka to ply his dubious and nefarious trade of peddling lies, propaganda, deceits and treacheries. By the way, I don’t own the copyright to the name Alaroka. It belongs exclusively, I should say, to Femi Alaka, a Public Affairs Analyst. Please see The Cable of February 28, 2022, for Femi Alaka’s piece ‘Kassim Afegbua as Alaroka.’
In that piece, Mr Alaka said and I quote: “Alaroka in Yoruba language is simply defined as an individual who goes about predicting not-too-pleasant outcome(s) about another person. It does not matter whether or not the issue at stake concerns or affects him or her – the alaroka.
“The word alaroka is derogatory and denigrating. It is like cancer in that it is almost incurable as its monstrosity coldly manifests. It is easier to deal with witches and wizards than an alaroka who has nothing to lose.
“I would like, in this piece, to situate former commissioner in Edo state under Comrade Adams Oshiomhole’s government, Kassim Afegbua as alaroka in contemporary Nigeria political landscape. It is believed amongst the Yoruba that alaroka, as an affliction, has no atonement. Whereas in the case of a witch or wizard, some form of atonement is possible, it is not so with alaroka.
“It is imperative we understand the Afegbua persona in the media affairs of Nigeria. Much was not heard about him until Comrade Adams Oshiomhole appointed him as a commissioner in Edo state. Thereafter he has been in the media limelight since Comrade Adams Oshiomhole’s mistake of that appointment. Before this appointment, he was a tailor, making clothes and writing sparingly in defense of General Ibrahim Babangida for a fee. Thereafter, he became a cash and carry journalist, who is paid to write abusive pieces on perceived enemies of his paymaster(s) ,” Alaka wrote over two years ago.
I hereby recommend that piece for your reading pleasure because, indeed, the Leopard will never change its spots and colours. No, not until ‘thy kingdom come.’
Afegbua in his ‘press release’ reeking of poorly spelt syntax and unintelligible semantics, bandied such inappropriately used words like “supplant, conflagration, segued, decrepitude, ingenuousness, malfeasance, anachronistic” all in a bid to impress a dour and ‘slowed engine’ candidate, who doesn’t know the difference between a zoo and a museum.
So much for a media consultant, who dispenses with absolute glee, the time tested principle of KISS (Keep It Short and Simple). A media consultant who does not know the correct spelling of the names of those he has been hired to malign, defame and abuse. Oponu jatijati! (Please get a Yoruba friend to interpret that for you.)
Imagine a man who only four months ago swore by heaven and earth and ran riot all over the media space that the All Progressives Congress (APC) did not hold any primary election in Edo State, calling Governor Obaseki “binary.” Just imagine. With all the shamelessness with which Alaroka conducted himself from 2022 up to and during the 2023 general election, he should bury his head in complete shame. Today he is in the APC, don’t be surprised to see him in the XYZ Party tomorrow. Binary!
Go and read The Cable of February 24, 2024, in a story titled, “Afegbua: APC held no primary in Edo, Okpebholo selected by party leadership” written by Temidayo Akinsuyi, and you will see the true meaning of ‘binary.’
There, Alaroka claimed that “We all knew that there was no primary conducted on Thursday by Okpebholo and others. We never saw the representative of Okpebholo and the others on the field…
“I am sure they were working from answer to question. If it is the headquarters that will go and endorse a candidate and will be working towards delivering that candidate, then we wish them good luck,” he had said.
Today, Alaroka is asking Governor Obaseki questions, how many questions has he asked Okpebholo? Is Alaroka not aware that Okpebholo represents Edo Central just like Senator Bamidele Opeyemi represents Ekiti Central in the Senate and that they are both on the APC platform?
Is Alaroka aware that after 12 months, Senator Bamidele has 23 Bills to his credit and Okpebholo’s only 1 Bill has not gone beyond First Reading? Shouldn’t Edo people ask Alaroka at what point he suddenly woke up to discover APC indeed conducted a primary election? And that Okpebholo was not imposed by party leaders in Abuja? Alaroka is an inconsistent character. He dances only to the beat from where his bread will be buttered. Alaroka is a Chichidodo. Alaroka is a dangerous political vermin, a plague that must be avoided by all well-meaning people. He is out again to deceive the people for his own pecuniary gain. His god is in his belly.
Orobosa writes from Benin City.